What Story? (CH Patty Jenkins)
Hello, and blessings to you today. This is CH (MAJ) Patty Jenkins with the 63d Readiness Division.
In all the world, telling stories is unique to humans. Our personal and communal stories shape who we become, what we expect from ourselves, and what we expect from others. We all have the stories we tell about ourselves when we meet new people, or to help us sleep at night. Sometimes all we remember are the stories we use to beat ourselves up or complain about the world. But the stories we choose to tell create our identity, even more than what actually happened to us. Let me say that again, what actually happened to us is less defining than the stories we tell about it.
I met a former Servicemember this summer at a volunteer gig. He was wearing his branch cap so my husband reached out and introduced the two of us. The man had served more than twenty years active duty. But the story he chose to tell was that he got out after being passed over for promotion. He clearly felt bitter and cheated. Twenty years and that is the first story he tells about his service. It may be the story he rehearses most frequently in his mind. Imagine the impact of rehearsing a story of bitterness and resentment for years.
As we were getting ready to return home from deployment, I worked with units to help Soldiers think about their stories. What story could they tell curious strangers that gave a real answer and also made them go away? What stories could they tell their loved ones to help integrate them into whatever happened? How did they want to think about their service when it was over?
This pandemic time raises the same questions. What stories do you want to tell about this time ten years from now? Stories of sadness and separation come up for me. Working at the hospital and patching in family members on the phone while Covid patients die is a story I need to tell. Watching my mother in law deteriorate due to isolation and her sheltered, Groundhog Day life in a senior residence. Discord around the threat of the virus and what protections should and should not be taken is a story I will remember and tell.
But I would be doing myself a disservice unless I also told the stories of neighbors being more neighborly. Stories of funny and encouraging sidewalk chalk messages from children. The story of a co-worker and her wife (no children) making a pillow fort in the living room and watching movies all day. Stories of in-person gatherings shifting to online and suddenly including the whole world! Stories of kindness, creativity, and generosity. These stories are just as true and powerful as the painful ones. It is not a matter of “looking on the bright side”, it is honestly telling the whole story, not just selective parts.
I encourage you to try this out tonight. Unless something really exceptional happened to you today, are you more likely to complain about something than to share the good stuff? It doesn’t have to be anything more than “I really enjoyed my lunch! It was delicious.” Give it a try. Tell your whole story.
Here is the direct email and phone number for anyone requesting support
From the 63d RD Chaplain office,
usarmy.usarc.63-rsc.list.chaplain-all-users@mail.mil
650-526-9668
Very Respectfully,
Sung N. Kim
LTC, Chaplain
Deputy Command CH
CH Personnel Manager
Office: 650-526-9214
Govt Mobile: 650-636-3393
Email: sung.n.kim.mil@mail.mil